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Kelly won silver the following day – and still did not seek help. But I felt the law was wrong.ĭame Kelly in her Colonel role at Trooping the Colour “Those moments stuck with me because I didn’t want to lose my job, I loved it. You feel violated, treated like you’re some massive villain. “It’s humiliating, it’s degrading – it feels disrespectful when you’re serving your country and you’re doing a good job. She was left terrified, recalling: “They pulled everything out of your cupboard, turned out the beds and drawers, read letters – everything – trying to catch us out, so we could be arrested, court martialled and potentially go to jail. When she was 23, Kelly’s quarters were searched by Royal Military Police in a check which she believed was to root out secret lesbians. You could be yourself, then come back to your barracks.” “There was this pub that had a back dance floor and a pool table and everyone we knew was gay used to go to this place. “Everyone knew who was gay, but you’d never talk about it,” she says. Kelly had secret relationships with other female soldiers during 10 years in the Army – risking court martial if they got caught. But he accepted it straight away.”ĭame Kelly posing in front of a rainbow butterfly in 2020 “I was confused and a bit scared of what it meant and nervous to tell him. She adds: “I said I met a girl and I don’t know what to do. It felt more natural, I felt comfortable.” Kelly wrote to her stepdad – whom she has always thought of as her father after her real dad walked out when she was a baby – to explain what had happened. Things changed after she joined the Women’s Royal Army Corps in 1988, a month before her 18th birthday.Ī fellow soldier kissed her at the bathroom block and, says Kelly: “I realised I must be gay then, because it felt good. “And back then, school sex education was nothing to do with being gay.” I didn’t have any role models in anything like that. She says: “It was an era where the stigma of homosexuality was really bad because of the AIDS epidemic. Yet, says Kelly, sexuality was not even on her radar when she dated boys as a teenager in Hildenborough, Kent. One problem for Kelly was that the more famous she became, the harder it was to reveal the truth. “They haven’t been in this fearful world with me for 34 years.” Of previous partners, she adds: “No disrespect to them, but the relationships have only been a small part of my life. She has a partner and, while she doesn’t want to give details, she smiles and says: “It’s the first time I’ve had someone who I don’t introduce as a PA or friend.”
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The moment this comes out, I’m essentially getting rid of that fear.”Īnd explaining her fear of retrospective action for breaching Forces rules, she says: “I was convinced throughout my whole life that if I admitted to being gay in the Army I’d still be in trouble.”įamily and close friends have known for years that Kelly is gay. I feel like I’m going to explode with excitement. Kelly – looking radiant in a white blazer and red flared trousers – tells us: “I needed to do this now, for me. Dread of being “outed” or judged tainted a parade after winning 800 and 1,500 metres gold in Athens in 2004.Īfter years of pain, and fully aware of rumours about her sexuality, she is grateful to be breaking the news on her own terms.Her barracks were raided in a search for proof of same-sex relationships.Fear of being prosecuted – at a time when homosexuals were banned from the Forces – forced her into silence.She was a 17-year-old soldier when she first realised she was gay after a female comrade kissed her.Years of self-harm included one episode at the World Championships. Bottling things up triggered breakdowns and left her suicidal.A scary brush with Covid made her realise she needed – and wanted – to show the world her “real self”.In a heart-rending exclusive interview, she reveals: The English sporting superstar turned to the Sunday Mirror to come out at the age of 52 – in Pride month.īehind her beaming smile, Kelly has lived a “secret life” for decades.Īnd she admits: “There have been lots of dark times where I wished I could scream that I am gay – but I couldn’t.” Olympics legend Dame Kelly Holmes has broken a 34-year silence to tell the world: “I’m gay.”